Walking To My Execution
by struckbylightening
Summary: McGee Tony slash. McGee's paranoid and suprisingly so is Tony. So when everything goes wrong, can anyone help them? Rubbish summary - sorry
1. Paranoia

Walking To My Execution

Walking To My Execution

This is number 3 of my fan fics and I believe it may be the best to date!! It's very loosely based on real life. This is for anyone who's ever felt like McGee.

It was a feeling that McGee couldn't quite explain, like hearing people talking about you every time you turned your back or hiding a secret you thought everybody knew… only worse

He involuntarily glanced towards Tony DiNozzo's desk. Tony was lounging in his chair with his usual arrogance and Abby was sitting on his desk. He felt a pain in his chest, a dull ache that he got every time he saw them together. He couldn't look at them without getting this gut wrenching agony. He leant forwards, ever so slightly, to hear what they were saying and felt every atom in his body relax when he realised they were talking about a film.

He had never felt like this when he and Tony had first started dating. This jealousy of Abby was definitely a new thing. She had been the first of the two people that they had decided to tell about their relationship. It had, originally, been a mutual decision to keep it secret, not because they were ashamed, but because it made it easier. At first it had been very fun, holding hands where they thought no one could see them and just the pure adrenaline he got from keeping such a huge secret. But after a while all that McGee could think was: What if Tony had agreed to keep it secret because he was seeing someone else? And then it got worse: What if Tony was seeing Abby?

McGee heard laughter coming from Tony's desk and he whipped his head round as quickly as he could. His heart was thumping as though he had drunk at least twenty of Abby's beloved Caff-Pows and his palms were covered in sweat. 'You're being irrational' he repeated to himself over and over again, they would never do that too you. He looked at them again; Abby with her jet black bunches and her laser-beam green eyes and Tony with his cheeky smile and Italian charm. They certainly made an attractive couple. McGee could see lots of reasons why they should be together but very few why he should be with Tony. He shifted his gaze to Abby and a stab of hatred ran through him. He hated her… except that wasn't true. She WAS his friend but right now he didn't want to hug her, talk to her or even look at her. He hated her for being everything he could never be; fun, optimistic, beautiful and perfect for Tony. The bitter feeling in his stomach remained as she jumped off Tony's desk and skipped to the elevator. Then he jumped as he felt warm breath on the back of his neck.

"Abby driving you up the hall?" asked an Israeli voice.

It was, of course, Ziva. She had been the second person they had told, but it had been a mistake and they hadn't exactly told her. The team had been working a late night and McGee was falling asleep on his desk when she came in. Tony, thinking the room was empty had kissed him on the top of the head, not noticing Ziva sitting silently in the corner. He had paid for it the next day when she had interrogated them mercilessly until they cracked and told her everything. She had been surprisingly happy for them and had agreed to keep it secret. Although she did make the occasional comment McGee and Tony agreed they couldn't have hoped for better.

"Mmm, something like that, I guess." Replied McGee, not bothering to point out her mistake.

Jealousy of Abby and making sure Ziva didn't tell Gibbs were not the only things that were bothering McGee. There was also the small issue of sex… or rather the lack of it. McGee knew that if Tony waited before having sex with someone then he must really, really like them, after all it was common knowledge that Tony slept with most people after two or three dates… if that. At first he had been flattered by this. It was nice to know that Tony valued their relationship enough to wait until McGee was ready and it had given him a sense of security; Tony wasn't using him for sex. But now, after five months and countless dates McGee had been ready for a while and he was staring to wonder if he would ever have sex with Tony, or if Tony just didn't want to have sex with him.

The days that followed were the worst days that McGee could ever remember having. Each morning he struggled out of bed, into work and forced himself to act as normal as he possibly could and get on with his work. There was no doubt in his mind; Tony and Abby were together and that was why Tony was avoiding him. In the past week they'd spoken about no-work related things only twice and both conversations had been awkward and forced. McGee just couldn't take it anymore; he had to tell Tony how he felt.

"Listen, I know things have been a bit weird lately and I think we should talk about it and try and get it sorted out." McGee paused, took a deep breath and continued. "Right now I don't know how you feel about me, but I want you to know that I really care about you and I want us to be together… but not like this. It isn't making both one of us happy and I want you to be happy more than anything. I've always loved you…" He trailed off, "well maybe not 'loved' but I've always had feelings for you. I just want you to know how I feel." McGee stopped and cursed under his breath and he pressed the hang up button on his phone. He despised himself for being such a coward. He sat down in his chair and began to cry, first tears of self pity and then tears for the whole fucked up mess he had made of his relationship. His last thoughts before he drifted into an uneasy sleep were of Tony's answering machine, and if he could remember the code…

Walking into work the next morning felt like McGee imagined walking to your execution must feel like, it's the end… and yet you have no control over it. A dead weight was pressing down on his shoulders and his legs felt more and more like concrete with every step he took. All that he wanted to do was run, run away and hide, but he kept walking because there was nothing else he could do.

McGee knew that the office would be empty for at least another twenty minutes so he sat down at his desk and let his mind wander. It arrived at what his life would be like without Tony in it. He thought about all the good times, the long walks on the beach in every imaginable weather, wind, torrential rain, lightning and even hail, where they would hide behind a gorse bush, like teenagers, and 'shelter from the weather' and the few times that Tony had told him that he loved him. McGee felt his eyes begin to well up so he forced himself to think of the bad times, the arguments over silly things, the way he was worried that Gibbs would find out and ruin everything and the extreme paranoia that had plagued him for the last few weeks.

"Probie…" said Tony making McGee jump "We need to talk." And with those words every shred of hope that McGee had been clinging onto vanished.

"But not here," Tony continued "and not now. Tonight. I'll come round to yours at about 7:30" and with that he turned round and walked away leaving McGee confused, nervous and desperate for help.

You cannot ever escape what is 'meant to be'. That's the problem with fate, if you run it will chase you and if you hide, it will hunt you down. But you can fight fate, you make your own fate, and you can change it if you're willing to admit where you went wrong and fight for what you want. And McGee was ready to fight… but first he wanted answers.

"Ziva, can I talk to you?" asked McGee. It had taken him nearly all day to pluck up the courage to ask her this, but he knew that it was now or never. Ziva nodded and the two of them walked out of the building. She motioned to him to talk but the words fell out of his mouth in a jumbled mess that didn't make any sense. She motioned to him to stop.

"Perhaps a little slower?" She suggested. McGee nodded and started his story again. Her eyes widened as McGee reached the extent of his paranoia. A feeling of relief flooded his body as he finally admitted how he had bee feeling. Ziva remained in a quiet and thoughtful state until he had finished, unusual for her as his story lasted nearly fifteen minutes.

"So you think Tony and Abby are fucking each other?" She asked. He glared at her.

"Yes."

Ziva sighed "I don't think you have anything to worry about McGee" he knew that she was talking sense but he couldn't believe her. He turned around to face her, but Ziva had vanished.

As soon as McGee had turned his back Ziva had sprinted away as quickly as she could. Now she was sprinting down the corridor towards the elevator and as she reached it, she thumped the down button. She had to talk to Abby. She had to find out the truth, for McGee's sake. The doors of the elevator opened and as she ran into Abby's lab she saw the Goth playing with her mass spectrometer.

"Are you seeing Tony?" she asked urgently Abby looked at her, puzzled, so Ziva repeated herself.

"Am I seeing Tony? Ziva, it's McGee who's seeing Tony" Abby repeated slowly, clearly still confused, Ziva shook her head and explained what McGee had told her about his paranoia and the way that Tony had been acting. Abby looked horrified and Ziva realised that Abby obviously hadn't been seeing Tony. The two women looked at each other and ran to the elevator, knowing that they didn't have much time.

"Where's McGee, Gibbs"

"McGee left about ten minutes ago, as did DiNozzo" Gibbs replied. Abby and Ziva looked at each other in horror knowing the outcome of Tony and McGee's conversation would not be good.

McGee paced up and down in his apartment glancing at the clock, 7:45. He wasn't particularly surprised. Tony never had been one for punctuality. There was a knock at the door and McGee froze in horror. This was it. It was over. He walked towards the door and opened it.

"Hey McGee," smiled Tony "Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

McGee took a deep breath and explained how he had become paranoid, how his jealousy of Abby had spiralled out of control, how he didn't know whether Tony like him as much as he like him, or even if he like him at all. Tony sat in silence, staring McGee like he was crazy before explaining that he would never cheat on McGee because he was kind and wonderful and how Abby was like a sister and how dating her would just be wrong. McGee had heard this before, both from Ziva and inside his own head but hearing it from Tony made them true, He felt happier than he had done in week, as if all his jealousy and paranoia had been washed away. He looked at his boyfriend, but Tony's face was full of sadness.

"What's wrong Tony?" he asked

"There's something I haven't told you Tim" Tony started, "I'm so, so sorry and I wish it wasn't true and I could change it… but I can't." Tears had begun to splash down his face as he turned to McGee.

"I'm not in love with you anymore."

So. I hope you liked it. Please review it if you did or didn't cos I'd love to know!!


	2. Really Over

_A/N Ok guys, sorry about the wait!! It took me ages to decide where I was going to go with this chapter. I've left the ending open so it could have another chapter or I could leave it as it is.__ Anyway, this is wasn't you wanted to read so lets get on with what you clicked the link for!!_

"I'm not in love with you anymore."

That sentence had been running round in McGee's head for hours now. Tony had left soon after he had ripped McGee's heart in two. He had been dreading it for weeks but as soon as he had realised Tony wasn't cheating on him the cloud had been lifted. But then he had told him something far worse. All that McGee could assume was that Tony had found someone else. McGee had managed to control himself until Tony had walked out of the door before bursting into tears for what seemed like the fiftieth time that week. But at this point his dignity meant nothing too him, it was over. It was really over. Though neither of them had said it aloud, McGee knew it…

Why would Tony want to be with someone he didn't love anymore? And now there was only one question left.

Had Tony ever really been in love with him? Or had it all been a lie?

McGee couldn't work out how he was going to face walking into NCIS, how he was going to work alongside the man who had broken his heart, how he was going to face waking up every morning to the fact that it was over… and he had lost the one thing that was important to him in the world.

Tony.

And he would never get him back.

--

Tony sat alone in an empty park crying. What had he done? He had heard McGee begin to cry as the door swung shut. And the sound of his crying had broken his heart. This was exactly like him, too scared to admit that he cared passionately about someone. So what he did was to turn it all around and tell them that he didn't care, or just never tell them that he cared in the first place. He kept his pride and his heart intact and moved on to the next relationship, and that was how he liked it.

But this time it had gone further than just caring. It had gone further than physical passion He had loved McGee. He'd told him that he loved him. And when he told him it had scared him. He had felt more than just desire, he didn't just want McGee, he needed him… and without him his world seemed cold and empty. Everything had become worthless. And the worst thing was he had done it to himself. He had sabotaged his own relationship and brought everything crashing to the ground.

Because, when he thought about it, he had been lying.

He was still in love with McGee.

_So let me know what you thought, whether you want another chapter and, if you do, what should happen next!! Thanks!! :)_


	3. Wet Monday Morning

Wet Monday Morning

Wet Monday Morning

_A/N Sorry it's been so long. I've had many problems, writers block and computer viruses wiping my hard drive to name two. But it's here, at last!! So enjoy this (I hope) and let me know if you want more or if you don't!! __Okiepokies lets go! _

Monday morning. Nobody likes Monday mornings. Walking into work on Monday morning is bad enough, knowing you've got the whole week ahead of you until the next weekend, but if you've just told the man you love that you don't love him… well then walking into work on Monday morning is ten times worse.

Tony walked through the doors of NCIS in almost a daze. It was taking all of his energy and concentration just to stop himself from running back out of those doors, back to his car and to drive home to the warm comforts of his bed where he would curl up and call Gibbs, claiming he was sick. He didn't though. He kept walking through the corridors into the lift and out into the bullpen. His heart raced and his palms began to sweat as he walked towards his desk. He stopped. No one was there. Breathing a huge sigh of relief he sat down in his chair picking up a discarded rubber band.

"You look like a wet Monday morning" A voice declared

Tony spun round and came face to face with Ziva. He chuckled a little before turning slowly back resuming his earlier position.

"What?" Asked Ziva, clearly confused by Tony's laughter "Did I get mixed up again?"

"Well Zi-vaa, take a look out of the window" He pointed in the direction of the nearest window, splattered with raindrops. He leant back in his chair "It's Monday, it's raining. That gives me every right to look like a wet Monday morning."

Ziva turned away from her position by the window just long enough to glare at Tony. She stopped glaring after a few seconds and turned her gaze to McGee's unoccupied desk. Before walking away, she offered a few words of advice to Tony, who was still sitting silently in his chair.

"I'd stay away from Abby's lab if I were you."

Tony leapt out of his seat, as though someone had fired a shotgun, desperate for Ziva to say more. She had gone. Tony sunk back into his seat despair hanging itself all over him. Ziva knew, and from the sounds of things so did Abby.

Rock music, blaring loudly from speakers greeted Tony's ears as he stepped into Abby's lab. He knew what I stupid idea it was to have come down here and that there was a good chance Abby would cause him some sort of physical or mental pain. The sight he saw was not what he expected though…

He had expected to be greeted by an angry Abby, ready to kick his ass for what he had done to McGee and in a way he would have preferred that to the sight he was looking at now; Abby sitting in a corner, tears and makeup streaming down her face and Ziva's arm around her back. It was clear she had been crying for some time, her eyes were puffy and red and there was s good as no makeup around her eyes... much of it having been transferred to Ziva's jumper. Tony stopped for a second, trying to listen to what they were saying. But through Abby's sobs and Ziva's hushed whispers he could make out very little.

Soon his protective instincts kicked in. He loved Abby like a sister and would do anything to keep her happy and safe. He knew by now that Abby couldn't be this upset about him and McGee breaking up and therefore he didn't think he could do much harm by giving her a hug and waiting for the anger another day… that was, if McGee had even told them.

"Abby? Are you ok?"

A sudden change came over her. She jumped to her feet, tears still screaming down her face but suddenly her face was full of anger too.

"Do you know what you've done?" She hissed quietly

Tony stood perfectly still, shocked by this sudden outburst of anger, before slowly shaking his head once. Abby sunk back to the ground, crying silently.

"Tell me Abby. Tell me what I've done" begged Tony in desperation "Please."


	4. A Day Or So Earlier

A Day or so Earlier

A Day or so Earlier

_A/N I got this chapter finished far quicker than the last one!! It's set a day or so earlier than the last chapter as the title might suggest… so shall we go?_

Abby's apartment was silent. That was pretty normal for a Sunday afternoon. Today, a friend had called and Abby had taken her hearse and driven to meet them, leaving her apartment empty.

The silence was broken by the noise of the phone ringing

"Ring, ring. Ring, ring. Click"

"You've reached the answer phone of Abby Scuito." Abby's voice echoed through the apartment "I guess I'm not in at the moment… either that or I'm busy. So you can either call me at work or, erm, leave me a message"

"Beep"

"Abby it's me. In a way it's easier that you're out because I need you to do me a favour." The voice paused and a shuffling noise could be heard in the background, "I'm sorry Abby. But I have to do this. Me and Tony, we're over. He… well he doesn't love me and I know it's probably all my fault, what with the whole paranoia thing and thinking he was seeing you. But I still love him Abby and I can't come into work every day and listen to his exploits about what he did with who. It might seem irrational I just can't Abby. It would be like slowly drowning. I hope you can understand this, well you're going to have to, because I'm not telling anyone else."

The voice stumbled slightly as it continued, "I'm leaving Abby, today. As soon as I hang up this phone in fact. I haven't told Gibbs I'm going. I don't want to face his interrogation techniques and I don't want Tony to get bollocked by Gibbs for breaking the rules. But I need you to do something for me."

There was a long pause as the voice decided what to say next "I'll let you know where I am when I get there. You can tell Ziva if you want but please don't tell Gibbs or Tony. I need a fresh start, Abs, A second chance. And I can't get that here."

"You're like a sister to me Abby. And I hate doing this to you."

The voice stopped again

"Tell him I love him."

"Click"

Abby didn't return until two hours after McGee hung up the phone. She had rung him desperately. But there was no answer.

McGee had gone.


	5. Alone

Alone

_A/N __Hi!! Sorry it's taken so long to get chapter five written, but thank goodness for Study Leave (Even though as I upload this, study leave was weeks ago)! Also, thanks to everyone for all their positive feedback. I appreciate it! Anyway, Enjoy!_

Tony sat staring at Abby as she recounted the tale, shell-shocked, petrified and worst of all, alone. No tears skimmed his cheeks and not a single sob fell from his open mouth, he was numb. All feeling had left his body and it was all he could do to keep himself from collapsing. Resting his head in his hands lest the girls see the tears, Tony DiNozzo began to cry. Silent tears, the type you can only cry when you think no one else is looking, tears of pure agony and pain and loss. The three agents sat, in an uneasy silence, only broken by an occasional sob from Abby's mouth and the occasional comforting noise from Ziva.

"Ring…Ring"

Three heads rose at the exact same moment, eyes landing on the source of the disruption.

Abby's Cell Phone. A frenzied rush on Abby's behalf to grab the phones ensued, though as she tried to make a grab for the phone, she fell over Ziva's legs and on top of the other girl. Had it been any normal day, a crude joke would have come from Tony, and a head slap from Ziva, Abby or both of them. However Tony stayed fixated on the phone as Ziva helped Abby up. Brushing herself down as quickly as she could the phone's ringing continued.

"We can trace the call… We can trace Tim..."

Abby glared at Tony for a few seconds, one of her hands still locked in Ziva's grip, before her expression slackened to a smile and she reached forward breaking Ziva's hold to hug Tony as she answered the phone that was only still ringing thanks to pure luck. Balancing the phone between her ear and her shoulder she began speaking and typing into her computer at a furiously fast rate

"Hello, Abby's Cell…McGee….Where are you? You can't tell me? But…!"

At this moment Abby gazed around the lab. Screwing up her face through the agonies of lying, the girl glanced over to Ziva. Indicating the computer, a flashing bar could be seen; the words read 'Signal Untraceable'. Both Ziva and Tony cursed as Abby carried on.

"McGee.. it's just me and Ziva. She told Tony to stay away…. God, McGee. Just tell me?"

A few seconds later her jaw dropped

"You're WHERE?"


	6. Cocktail of Emotions

_A/N Hey guys! Thanks for the positive response so far. This chapter I'm going to dedicate to all those who've put this on alert__, favourited it or sent me PMs asking me to get on with it (there's quite a few of you!) So thanks to all of you!_

_You guys rock! Thanks for all the support! Now Story time. I figured a McGee chapter was in order here. So bear with me…_

McGee

As Abby's words blasted down the phone, the man chuckled. The phone was held at arms length, probably to prevent an eardrum from shattering as the high pitched shrieks continued, as Abby was clearly confused or angry... or of course, both. He laughed again. Despite anticipating this reaction, the sheer scale of the volume that was coming out of his phone was incredibly amusing. Stifling his laughter he continued to talk, his words mellow

"You heard me right, Abs. The best decision I ever made was to come here."

Of course, he was lying. He was lonely, miserable. He missed them all; he missed his desk and the way he was always ordered to get coffee. He missed the unsubtle glances that Tony gave him every time he came into the room and Abby's crazy hugs. He missed headslaps and paperwork and, God, he'd barely been gone a day.

Abby was still burbling into the phone about something; begging him to come back it seemed. Oh and how he wished he could every essence of his being longed to go home but his stupid foolish pride made him stay; made him put the false happiness into his voice and fill Abby's ears with lies. It hurt him to lie to the girl on the other end of the phone all those miles away, though. And he didn't think it would. But somehow it got to him and it took him all the willpower he had not to burst into tears and confess this to the Goth on the other end.

…But what was he thinking? He was an NCIS agent. He didn't burst into tears over the littlest things. But even so, there was a question he had to ask; No matter what it did to him.

"How is he…?"

"He's… Alive"

McGee didn't know how to respond to that. What do you say when you ask how the man you loved is and you get 'Alive' as the response? A nonsensical grunt seemed to be the best response. Still, alive didn't sound like Tony was out picking up random girls. In fact it didn't sound like he was happy at all. For some reason this made McGee angry, causing him to snap down the phone at Abby

"I'll call you later. I have stuff to do."

She sounded upset now, as though she was crying. Tim cursed inwardly for doing this to the one girl he trusted like a sister; Trusted more than his own sister to be honest. Still he had to get off of the phone. Every minute he spent talking to Abby his mind began to swim with images of Tony. And it hurt like someone was slowly twisting a knife through his heart before leaving him feeling weak and sick. This cocktail of emotions; anger, hurt, regret and even a vague hint of happiness, made him want to physically vomit.

Just as he was about to finish the phone call a pretty barmaid came over, asking if he wanted a drink. Shaking his head to her, the barmaid began to depart and McGee's eyes were drawn in the direction of the beautiful view behind her. Sun, Sand, Sea and Sky. He should be happy shouldn't he? It was beautiful here. Perfect almost.

"Just Abs, Don't tell them I'm in Mexico, okay?"

He close to threw the phone down, angry at how emotional a tiny phone call had become.

Yes, Timothy McGee had 'done a Gibbs'.

And for now at least he wasn't planning on going home.

_A/N Hope you liked. Sorry it's short/took so long. Review? Please?_


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